fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
