I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
