I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
