Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
