guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
