My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize