I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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