the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
