God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
