Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
