2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
