Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize