Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
