and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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