im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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