Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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