It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
