apparently the secret to your success is patron
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
