i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
