I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
