i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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