so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
