final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
