I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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