At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
