I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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