Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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