Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
