Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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