i just identified you from a description of your pipe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
