Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm at about main and main street
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
