Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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