i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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