is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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