Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
