Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
