Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
