u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
