Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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