Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
