So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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