I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize