I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
