Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
