i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
