rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
