i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
