Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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