i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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