I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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