I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
