a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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