i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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