The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
