Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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