Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
