you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
