remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
