what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
