so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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