um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
