She is in my trunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
