he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
