I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
