do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
