Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pooping to opera.
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