So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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