Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
