Dual....:-)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
