So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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