i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your penis caused this!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
