need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
