Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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