we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize