at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
