So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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