At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize