Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
