i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
