There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
