So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
