she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
