just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
